Twas the Night Before Nerf, when all through the net
Not a creature was stirring, not even a jet
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In the hopes that St Patrik will show love to Aero
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of sugarcane danced in their heads.
And mamma in her kerchief and I in my cap,
Had just settled down to a long rollover nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
To the moon on the breast of the new fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below.
But what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature lawn tractor and 8 tiny sneakers
With a little old driver so lively and chipper
I knew in a moment he must be The Center.
More rapid than eagles his zingers they came
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
Now Brazilian! Now Thyme! Now SkyCo and Alzeyer!
On Rohtra! On Simia On Big Oil and Dragon Bear
To the top of the HQ to the top of the Castle,
Now dash away dash away dash away all!
As the whines that before that wild AS Nerf fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the Launchpad coursers they flew
With the sleigh full of Simboosts and St Patrik too
And then in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Patrik came with a bound.
He was dressed all in leather from his heat to his foot
And his clothes were all tarnished with fibers and soot.
A bundle of laptops he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.
His eyes how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like apples his nose like a cherry.
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard on his chin as white as the snow.
The stump of a sausage he held tight in his teeth
And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly
That shook when he laughed, like a bowl of grape jelly.
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know, this nerf would give nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings and turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the clay chimney he rose.
He sprang to his lux sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight —
“Happy Nerf-Day to all, and to all a good night!”
I didn’t realize when I posted this that not everyone is familiar with the poem A Visit from St. Nicholas by Clement Clark Moore. The Night Before Nerf is a spoof/tribute based on that poem.
